I caught most of the first round of the Alliance Tournament today. Must admit I couldn't really get into it as I had trouble following what was going on. Most of the matches were lopsided a few were close. The jargon is something I will need to spend sometime learning. Like any profession they have their own language. It was fun to see a couple of ships that I am thinking of piloting, but in the end they did not fare too well. Wonder if I should start rethinking my plan a bit, but then I just shrug "What plan" and laugh.
I have slowed down my studies a bit. Just seems so slow. This will all go much faster when I am actually aboard my ship. Sent everything in and now I just wait for the mystery day. I go for long runs to clear my mind and of course retire to the shore and my blue ocean several times a day. Almost feels like some sort of monastic life. My parents are away finishing off careers that have spanned over forty years. I think it's too hard on them to see me. My friends checked in to see if I watched the tourney, strange as they have never really been into it before yet now it's important to them. I suppose I can understand why. I think I will continue to watch it for now. At least if I am not busy dying.
Ok so that is a bit dramatic, it's just my bodies death. The whole idea is no longer quite so alien. I have an image of my future self. I will include it in my confessional but I don't really feel like looking at it again just yet. Not while I am still, well me. It plays tricks with my soul. To think my clone is being grown in some vat somewhere. I know what that clone looks like. I will wear it, him, me. I am immortal but my clone is not. I must learn not to fear the loss of my clones life. To throw it around in the face of danger. But I am afraid of losing my body, my soul, my humanity. Does anyone really know who they will become when they can yield such power? I don't pretend to.
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