Still seems strange to celebrate the death of my natural body, even if this is my long and closely held desire. Some time next week, I hope, I will be euthanized. My friends and family are so happy for me. All the effort, money, leaning on connections, pleading and mountains legalese have finally led to this moment. I will indeed become a capsuleer. I will break free from my terrestrial bondage and soar amongst the stars. I will become immortal.
I will go to sleep for the last time in this skin that has protected me since before birth. My soft newborn flesh which was caressed by my mother, kissed all over by her warm lips, stretching over the years as a quickly growing child and finally filled-out in my adulthood. The pain and passions seared onto it, my history in it's scars. All this I will leave behind.
I walk alone along the sandy white shore and stare out towards the rippling dark ocean flecked in white. The hot sun, sweat on my face, the humidity slowly choking me, the faint smell of death and decay which of course means life. The cool water at my feet, the bright blue sky, full clouds playfully lingering above. I think the physical sensation I will miss most of all is the coolness of the salty breeze over my tanned skin, tingling my body in tiny explosions of delight, reminding me that I am alive. It is small price to pay for what I will gain. I must remember the breeze.
After these eyes close for the last time new eyes will open. Peering into my new future, ever outwards, an exploration of infinite space. Contrasted with another deeper journey inside my soul. An understanding of the past, of who I am, who I will be. Liberty I have here with me now. I am Mimatar living in a Minmatar system and not a brother slave, but immortality is the key that truly unlocks the gateway to pure freedom. These thoughts bounce around in my mind as I wonder if my family and guests have noticed that I have walked off from the celebration. I will miss them all. I turn and walk back home and wonder how strange this will all soon seem.
I am frightened, imagine that a Brutor, a warrior, frightened. New Eden is not for the timid. I steady my breath and focus on the rhythm of my steps, my mind centers. I have told my parents not to let me know the date of my bodies death, I only know that most likely it will be next week. I will only learn that I will be leaving it behind on the morning of the procedure. Floating in the stillness a space-station will be my new home. I will awaken instantly after my bodies death, my neural networks scanned in incredible detail and sent immediatly to my waiting medical clone, my career as a capsuleer will have begun. I wonder what my parents will think of my corpse left here uneeded. I turn and look once more at the ocean, study the horizon, and turn towards my families home.
Later that night, after the guests have gone, I return to my now empty apartment and sit on the hard floor. I feel so unprepared. I have been studying but I feel that I am only grasping at the depths and complexity of a capsuleers life. I have no set goals, no plan, I just know it's a journey I must take. I will be swept away on kinetic currents of space faring humanity. I will be one with my ship, gazing upon the stars, looking down on planets. I will be hunted, I will also be a hunter. I suppose partly it's this duality of this lifestyle, the scientific and technological progress juxtaposed with the expression of the most primitive of human emotions. This same expression mirrored in my families warrior legacy through to present of my academic parents and now distilled in me. Educated but lingering for adventure, battle, victory. I will be immortal, I will learn not to be so afraid. In this pure freedom I can easily transcend the pressures, culture, education, love that has formed me. What will I become? A sociopath, pirate, miner, industrialist, trader, I laugh at the near endless possibilities. I like to think that I will be an explorer but inside I already understand that the exploration will not just be tucked away in a newly born worm hole, or hidden in the darker reaches of the infinite void, I carry it within me. I also know that part of me wants to compete openly against the cruelest and brightest humanity has to offer. They have a such a large head start, some sitting on a hoard of wealth, fleets of ships, and corporations of many thousands, shaping markets, vying for control of systems, cementing their empires. Against this I fly alone. A small helpless laugh escapes thorough my native lips when I think of how unprepared I really am.
I suppose it would be a bit too dramatic to say it's a scam (a scam being a basic currency in New Eden) but as I look to start my life as capsuleer I would like to begin with a little bit of isk (money) in the bank. It is a trivial thing really, but the more one studies the more one learns of opportunities. In exchange for a fee to the real lords of New Eden I can purchase a Pilot Licese Extension (Plex) and remain a capsular in this universe. I have simply discovered that by going through a third party, of course an enterprising capsuleer, we can both make some profit. No harm done and totally acceptable, and even if it wasn't, is there really a right and wrong for an immortal in New Eden? So as every new capsuleer grapples with this life that I am on the precipice of beginning, I struggle to familiarize myself with the fleets of ships, the seemingly endless skills that one must train, the nature of combat, economics, oh the list goes on and on. I begin to feel some fear again until I just close my eyes and imagine for a moment sitting in my capsule, tucked within the bowels of my ship, quietly drifting through space, appreciating the mystery and beauty that is this universe. So deeper into New Eden I come, next week I hope. I am not sure of the welcome. The mystery begins.
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