Sov Maps

Due to some rather poor planning on my part I am still not able to fly my Noctis with all the fancy tech II fittings that I have purchased for her. That and the fact that I am still a bit shaky from my near bout of death while brining her over to my Aldrat hanger from one jump away where I purchased her. So while training up these last few skills, made easier now by the installation of my set of plus 3 basic implants, I have tried to search around a bit about the going's on of the capsuleer corporations in null sec.

Around when I was becoming a capsuleer the influence map of null sec looked like this:
June Map

Then this the following month:
July Map

There is a lot more going on here than I really know. I am after all still a lone wolf capsuleer pilot, but pay attention to the southeast corner of the map. You will see Test Alliance grow and and Nulli Secunda and Red Alliance dissapear. This is the most recent conquest of Delve by the Honey Badger Coalition (Test Alliance, Pandemic Legion) and friends Goonswarm.

Here is the next month August:
August Map

Finally the last month that is presently available September:
September Map

Take a look at the North right in the center, you will see Goonswarm grow and NC. shrink. Specifically, if you can make it out on the map a region called tribute.

Here is the influence map as of today:

(Link is no longer working? Was working yesterday?

Tribute is now all yellow and is Goonswarms or the CFC alliance.

You will notice Metropolis is beneath tribute in high sec space (the black space), where your lowly capsuleer resides. You may have to move the map to the right a bit to see Tribute and Metropolis is under it a bit to the right. (Again link doesn't seem to be working so I will need to figure out another way to show this, sorry).

So null sec is raging. There is and has been more going on in the East and South but for now lets focus on what may be the strongest Alliances in the game. Basically Test and Goonswarm or their respective larger coalitions HBC and CFC. Now I don't pretend to be a historian or in the know but even I can read this map and see who is growing. The wars still rage and HBC is still fighting in the South and CFC swears to push on in the North into the remaining NC. territory. What the heck am I doing still in high sec? Well learning the life of a capsuleer. I am still getting the hang of high security exploration and am flirting with bankruptcy. I just hope by the time I dip my toes into null sec empire warfare that it won't all be overrun.

I was hearing today from some defeated alliance leader, AAA to be exact, asking his pilots amongst other things not to let their accounts dip below a billion isk. I have never seen a billion isk, nay I have just over one tenth that amount now. I am still far away from playing in these deep waters.

This draws a sharp distinction to the current wars my corporation is involved in. I haven't counted but we are at war with multiple corporations. It's high sec war so we aren't playing for systems or regions of space but none the less it's war. As my brief hunting experience described in my last post shows, it can be fun. But it's a bit like low brow humor, shallow. I really don't understand our strategy and it feels disparate. I am trying to hack out a living and occasionally throw in with a fleet. It does seem a bit pointless. I am busy trying to stay alive from solo pirates, which is an important education, but I know my true or at least perceived strength is less in tactical prowess but in grand strategy. It is hard to focus on the next steep and not gaze at the great events shaping null sec space. My road will be a long one but I must keep my discipline. I have already demonstrated a lack of patience and must not waver. There is so much I still need to learn before I can, with a band of fellow capsuleers, lay claim to some null sec space for ourselves. To build something, to be a player at the table. Ultimately to stare clear eyed at the map of New Eden and mix it up with the great alliances of our time.

Let's get this Noctis going, lets get my Cheetah. My Loki and become an expert at high security space. I still have wormholes, trading, mining, industry let alone single, small gang and large fleet warfare to understand. All this before I dip my toes into sovereign holding space and the mechanics involved. All this and I am still learning to fly my beloved Rupture and Rifter. Still getting my skills up to be competitive. New Eden swirls with delight and horror and I alone but a speck.

Hot Off the Press

Whew! I just almost lost my Noctis. I literally undocked and began taking fire. I was just about to go into structure when the warp finally kicked in. In my panic I didn't get the ship type but I did get the pilots name, Yendaj.

Wow, not making this up. While I was typing those two brief sentences above I joined a fleet whose purpose is to defend the local Unistas. Looks like Yendaj has been busy and almost popped the fleet commander Apothne who was flying a frigate. So I hopped into my Rupture, bought some more barrage ammo and headed out to our corporations own star-base (POS) to rally with some other fleet-mates. Yendaj was now in his Rapier, an expensive recon ship worth 595,029,304 isk to be exact or more money isk than I have ever had. Shortly after arriving behind our stations protective shield we get the call to warp to the Egyfe gate to meet up with the rest of the  fleet. Having only flown in five fleets before I am still a bit rusty at all this and it took me a few moments to get my ships navigation all worked out. I sat there seeing my fleet-mates warping out before me. I finally made it to the gate and could hear the fleet commander sizing up the situation. I am not really sure what went on but I will guess that we had a covert ops ships all cloaked up and scouting the Aldrat gate from Egyfe. Talking to the fleet commander Apothne now, who was in an interceptor (a classy expensive tackling ship [tacklers hold ships down so they can't flee])  locked him Yendaj right when he jumped through the gate from Aldrat into Engyfe and de-cloaked from the automatic jump cloak. Once locked Yendaj in his Rapier was not able to activate his own cloak. Then Apothne overloaded his point (so Yendaj the war target couldn't warp away) and the rest of the fleet was ordered to jump through from Aldrat and join the fray. In the moments the ensued Yendaj attempted to kill Apothne in his frigate letting lose his drones and shooting him possibly surmising that our fleet was camping the gate behind him and he couldn't flee through there. I am not real clear on the next part which has to do with agression timers so I won't try to explain but then our calvary arrived before Yandaj could kill Apothne and soon multiple points and webs (slow him down and keep Yendaj there) were set and our guns opened up. I actually ended up dealing the third highest amount of damage on the kill, which admittedly only was 2.2% of the total damage, but once again I am on the other side of the kill mail, the best side, the killers side. Best of all Yendaj who had previously caught me in a game of cat and mouse was subsequently caught.

So back to my story moments earlier before the kill and before I had left my space station on my way to pick up my new Noctis. I noticed that there was a war target in Aldrat, the aforementioned Yendaj, so I sat in my free noob ship loaded up with warp core stabilizers (to try and keep me from getting pointed) itching to get to Egyfe from my home base in Aldrat, just one jump away, to pick up my shiny new Noctis. As I sat there once again questioning the worth of my corporation for allowing these enemies to shut down our system I suddenly noticed local was clear, Yandaj had left the system. Here is my chance. I undock form the space station and make my way to the Egyfe gate. I jump through the gate and make it out on the other side and see a war target (WT) on my overview waiting for me in Egyfe. I quickly align and attempt to jump to the space station so that I can dock up before I am blown to pieces. The reason I picked this ship is because it is small and fast and can do just this quickly hopefully before the WT can get a lock on me. For instance I didn't even fit a weapon. I went into warp so quickly I didn't take a shot, which is a good thing because with my defenses one shot could of been all that was needed to kill me.

So I made it to the space station safely and quickly beheld my new Noctis for the first time. Here is where I made my big mistake. I quickly swapped my warp core stabilizers to the Noctis and looked at local and saw no WT's so I undocked. Ooops! I see bright red lasers and my shields dropping. My new industrial ship is laboriously turning trying to align to the Aldrat gate so that I can enter warp and my shields drop quickly and I am into armor. I begin to panic and get that feeling again. I am dying, and this death is the most humiliating. Why am I not warping. Ok how can I dock back into the station, why can't I dock! Forgetting of course to stop my previous align so that I can begin the docking process. My armor drops and I am almost into structure, my last flimsy line of defense. My gut sinks, my heart pounds, I feel small. Crap, the Uni is going to kill me as I am not supposed to be flying an industrial in war time. Then as I had given up hope the Noctis begins to lumber into warp. Warp equals temporary safety. My shields begin to slowly recharge as I warp to the Aldrat gate. Yendaj must surely know where I am headed, he saw me leaving the Pator Tech School space station and must know that's where I in my panic am flying to. I come out of warp expecting someone to be waiting for me. No war targets in my immediate vicinity. I try and get my slow beast of a Noctis to jump into Aldrat and slowly, slowly she does.

I am in Aldrat and I am still cloaked from the gate jump (one stays cloaked for one minute after a jump if you don't change the course of the ship) and look around. No war targets nearby and no war targets in local. My shields keep repairing. I start the process of jumping into Aldrat. Almost there, hope begins to glimmer. I lumber into warp and come out again heading towards the space station. Almost home, docking procedure commences, I am safe. 2 million isk in repairs because I am still scared and I make a mistake, as I could have later just made it to the safety of our POS and used my armor repairer, but the indignity of almost losing my Notics seconds after I began to fly it overwhelms rational thought and I want to repair my baby and forget about the whole episode.

Ok here is where I made my big mistake. When I was snug and safe at the space station in Egyfe before udocking in my new Noctis I thought I had looked at local and did not see a war target. Well it wasn't local I was looking at. I must of been on the intelligence panel or something else and though I was safe in local. That almost cost me what is by far my most expensive ship seconds into her maiden voyage. Lesson learned.

I suppose this story has come full circle. I won't get to use my Noctis tonight as WT are abuzz and it seems like we are at war with a corporation who are hunting us during my flying window. How in the hell am I going to make the isk now to pay for this ship, not to mention the Cheetah I was hoping to get soon?

A Slight Detour

While I like to credit myself as having a bent for strategic vision I must admit there exists a more primitive side to this capsuleer. Here I was patiently training so I could fly a covert-ops frigate so that I might fly unnoticed and unmolested amongst the stars. The last time I moved up in ship class, into my trusty Rupture cruiser, I grew a bit despondent by the amount of time not just to train into my cruiser but all the fittings (guns and the like). I suffered weeks of indignation as I had this beautiful new ship in my hanger but couldn't fly her lest she fall prey to war targets (WT) and not able to fire back and defend herself.

So now being a more experienced capsuleer I began adding up the time it would take me to fly and fit out my new cov-ops frigate. My mouth popped opened when I saw it would take more than a month. Now good strategy is good strategy and patience is a virtue. So I must confess that I am not a patient capsuleer. I quickly tossed my laboriously studied plan for a risky and I must admit unwise plan of buying a Noctis. Now a Noctis is a strange ship, for instance she can't mount guns. She is an industrial with only one real purpose and that is to salvage. Salvaging being my main source of accumulated wealth is quite important to this high-sec explorer. I had originally envisioned the reverse order, cov-ops first then salvager. The cov-ops frigate would allow me to more safely find higher value cosmic signatures in addition to my lowly anomalies and in return net me more isk and then my Noctis would quickly swoop up the salvage. The plan was Cheetah (cov-ops frigate) finds and bookmarks the sites, quickly dock up and pull out the Rupture who proceeds to smash the teeth of the Angel pirates and crack and loot the more advanced signature sites with their requisite tools and then the Noctis to clean up and salvage all the kills. Not that I like the idea of needing three ships to do what, if I had the money and the skills perhaps one ship could do, but it could potentially increase my isk earning potential from a few million isk per hour to potentially tens of millions, heck maybe even a hundred million isk or more per hour depending on the drop and loot.

Now the plan is to use my 30 million isk Rupture to find the lowly anomalies and kill everything in sight and my a hundred cough cough, and some cough cough million isk Noctis to sweep up the loot. The fact that it could take me a very very long time to pay off the Noctis in this manner is not lost on me. I still do hope to be in my Cheetah in a bit over a month but I have decided to run a big risk. The Noctis will come close to cleaning out my cash reserves. In Eve the golden rule is don't fly what you can't afford to lose. I can just barely afford to lose the Noctis, I won't be able to replace her and with WT's buzzying around and industrial ships banned by Uni policy to be flying in war time I also run the risk of being kicked from my corporation. You see industrials make expensive and easy targets and the Uni's strategy is to make war boring for the the other side.

So why continue with this lunacy? The truth is I am getting a bit bored. The Rupture pretty easily punches the teeth out of these scrawny pirates and it takes so long to salvage the loot with it. I figure with the Noctis I can spend more time blowing things up and less time salvaging. This has the potential to increase my earnings as I can spend the time saved on salvaging into clearing more anomalies. It's still chump change in the Noctis cost scheme of things, but it's different and it's a challenge. So with that in mind I hopped in my Rupture (hadn't fitted out my Rifter) and made the daredevil trip out to Hek, the local trading hub that the WT's like to hunt, and with heart pumping made the trip back in one piece. Now sitting in my hanger are all the pieces that will fit onto my Noctis's hull. In four days I will be ready to fly and fit everything I need for one tricked out mighty salvager. This time I am waiting to buy her until I can use her, no more ship spinning in the hanger but flying in the cold dark space. I only hope she doesn't get popped on her first flight.

An Inside Look Outside

I gaze out the window of my home spacestaion here in Aldrat, a system in the Metropolis region. Spaceships of various models lazily dock and exit. Trails of light behind them as they enter into warp.    I have been so busy flying, killing, earning, learning, that I have lost my way a bit. Sure I have plans and perhaps a purpose but I am once again forgetting the present. What a strange adventure this capsuleer life would be if I were to forget that bit of knowledge that has cost me so dear to learn.

I have grown used to this body, this clone. Having been some time now since my last clone perishsed in a capsule just outside the walls of this station. How confused I was then, losing ships, afraid. There is still fear, we are and have always been at war since I have joined this corporation, Eve University. War targets prowl this system, this region and others far beyond it. I have demonstrated that I am no match for them, not yet. In fleets I can get in on some kills, but being a part of the blob is not what I had expected or hoped.

The news flashes before me, blazing lights against the far wall. There is much going on here in New Eden. Even within my own corporation I have only scratched the surface of what is possible. When I left my natural body for an immortal life and inhabited my first clone I left much behind. Should I reclaim it now? I am Minmatar, I have brothers and sisters in chains. I am free, wealthy, a capsuleer, what is my duty? Should I participate in faction warfare, try to overun the Amarr? To what purpose, it seems the grand political events of our age are all scripted now. Concord polices us all.

I spead out the map of New eden before me. Empire space, high security, in there in Minmitar space I live. It is not safe, nowhere really is but I am protected. Coddled even by Concord. My eyes drift to low security space, Empire claimed but where Concord is limited. Where pirates roam and wreak havoc. Their Concords mighty ships will not reign justice. Only a thin veneer of the order remains.

Out beyod low security space lies null-sec. Vast stretches of space lining the periphy of New Eden. Here the mighty capsuleer alliances rule. Wars rage to the North and South. No Concord. Here capusleers lay claim to space. It is here that I feel where I belong. Now that I am a capsuleer I have a joined the realm of Gods. Is this madness, not yet, just immortality.

There also exits a strange in between space. The wormhole. I visited one early on. Inching into it's lair, eyes wide open and heart beating with fear. Me a new pilot who couldn't curb my curiosity.

So I have spent some time in high security space and have become a high sec explorer. I kill Angel Cartel pirates collect bounties, loot, slavage wrecks. It's a living. Soon I will scan out cosmic signatures and explore their mysteries, searcing for more valusable treasue and yes kill more rats. But what of capsuleers? Of these giant alliances who have come to dominate null sec space, when will their time come?

What can a pilot alone, with only a small cruiser do against such a behemoth? Not much. Hell I can hardly control my drones, what right do I have to lay claim to a piece of claimable space? None, I have not earned that right. I have reached out a bit to fellow capsuleers. More on that later if something pans out. I did not arrive here to stand alone. Alone I can do only so little. Perhaps I am not the man I thought, perhaps my role is not to lead capsuleers but to follow them? I suppose that is fine as long as I see a purpose. The Uni is what I thought it was, a place to learn and train. I have yet to find my real place in this  life.

Perhaps before I can find my place amongst others I need to truly find my own place inside. I hope to soon have my first covert-ops frigate. A vessel where I can pierce the dangers of wormhole, low sec, null sec space in some higher measure of safety. With this vessel I could travel the outer regions, spy on the goings on of capsuleers. But I can't really affect things. Not yet. Not until I am able to fly and afford a strategic cruiser. That will still be some time away. I doubt myself, perhaps it's my way of knowing I am still alive.

Back to Zero

So this high sec exploration day job seems to be providing some rewards. With my trusty Rupture I now, at least on paper, have regained all the isk I have lost since I first entered New Eden nearly three months ago. The big caveat being this is a theoretical postulate and not a practical, isk in the bank, reality. The significance of this cannot be overstated. The value of loot I have in my hanger now exceeds all my losses (mostly through incompetence but also from buying new ships and modules) in theory. Whether or not this will pan out to be true by the time I can actually sell my goods, or whether I will even be able to safely transport these goods to Jita remains a rather large question.

Yet my future begins to coalesce. I am in the very early stages of my capsuleer career. My goal, Eve domination, seems laughable at best and delusional at worst. My most prized possession is a lowly cruiser but with this cruiser I have proven to myself that I can make a living. Not a wealthy career but enough to move on to the next level and purchase my first covert ops frigate. Wait another frigate? I just worked so hard to move from my nimble and quick Rifter frigate to my Angel Cartel murdering Rupture cruiser, why go back to a lowly frigate, a mere step up from a free noob ship?

As mentioned previously, the Cheetah can cloak. Lots of ship can cloak but the Cheetah can warp cloaked. This basically means that I can travel long distances quickly practically invisible. This will   in theory allow me to make a journey to Jita, the largest trading hub, and sell some goods at what I hope is a fair price. This will also allow me to scout systems nearby with much less risk. This is the bridge to my two ship high security exploration gig. I could certainly do this now with my trusty Probe (another scouting frigate) fitted with a cloak, but in wartime  with war targets buzzing around I would feel more secure in a true covert ops ship. I don't want to think about the twenty plus jump trip to Jita, even in coddled high sec space without the ability to warp cloaked. Call me afraid but since my Eve induced paranoia (brought about by quickly dying several times) I have a streak going of not getting popped. My seamanship (spaceman-ship) skills seem to be improving. Plus I want to learn how to be a scout in our noob fleet. So this little Cheetah will provide me the next few adventures on my journey.

Having said all of this let me bring myself back to my true purpose here in New Eden and that is to prove myself against the best. This means other capsuleers. My goal aside from continuing to fly in the noob fleets (as a tackle frigate, scout and damage dealer [thus learning new roles in fleet warfare]) is to learn pvp (capsuleer pilot vs capsuleer pilot). For this I need isk as I expect to lose quite a few more Rifters in this education. As a member of the Uni there is a system called Libold that is a tech 1 frigate (read cheap frigate) dueling free for all. If you have been following my confessions you will of read how I ingloriously lost a Rifter already in this manner. I hope to learn about all the different tech one frigates and how to kill them. I will continue to learn the basic mechanics of this game but I need to be a successful combat pilot if I am ever going to progress in my dream of being able to challenge other capsuleers.

So the next few weeks I will continue to finish training salvaging 5 so that I can progress to a tech two Salvager (read bad ass and hopefully really fast salvager) then the fork in the road. I already confessed my desire to abandon the logical skill training sequence of filling out my basic skills and instead moving directly on to learning the other high sec exploration skills and the skills needed to fit out and fly the Cheetah. I still haven't figured out how long this might take, something I really need to do. I think I might need to look in buying some implants to speed up my training as I am a bit inpatient in regards to waiting two weeks for example for the ability to use a slightly faster salvager. But the distant goal remains.

So what of my confessions? Baring a major catastrophe, which is almost imminent in wartime, what will I write about? My Rupture can already seemingly handle everything the Angel Cartel seems to be able to throw at me, at least in my protected corner of high sec. I must admit the pace of this progression seems a bit too slow but at least I am back to zero financially. Sadly my greatest triumph to date since my arrival in New Eden. So I won't feel too guilty splashing the isk for a Cheetah and fitting her out well. Also buying the new gear for my Rupture once trained up in my exploration skills and perhaps a few flights of tech 2 drones once my drone skills improve.

Yet I still can't shake the feeling that I should be in null sec throwing it around with the major alliances in an all out war. I suppose I could learn the game that way. It is tempting especially since I haven't really found a niche in the Uni but I will hold my course a bit. There is still so much more to learn and that is the reason why I am here. Null sec war will come in time.

Day Job

While my Rupture continues to ply the high sec exploration trade new Eden continues in the flames of war. Even my corporation has never not been at war since I arrived in this dark universe. Unfortunately Eve University does not do a very good job of explaining what the hell is really going on. Strategically I learned from overhearing a pirate corporation CEO last night that the Uni makes a juicy target. Lots of members, most of them inexperienced, makes for some fun kills. I am still curious about joining the Ivy League, our military wing but for now have taken to earning some isk, as for the better part of my career I have become practiced at losing. Here is where my Rupture is growing on me. Sure killing lowly Angel Cartel pirates is not nearly the same level of challenge as killing capsuleers but it sure has been turning into a profitable venture. While I have yet to really sell most of the goods I have looted or salvaged I do almost seem to be near even based on the estimated value of those goods in my hangar. I don't expect to get this amount for them as when I have sold items I generally take a steep cut from these prices, but none the less my hanger is growing in value.

This leaves or rather leads me to my next planned progression. While flying around in high sec doing some exploration and running combat sites brings in some immediate isk in the form of bounties and I am learning to use my drones more and getting mused to my Rupture I understand this is not real combat. Capsuleers are far more deadly than these rats. I had been attempting to be a bit more disciplined planning my skill training and actually becoming a bit more balanced and training up my support skills. These are skills that help me fly my ship a bit better like, managing my power more efficiently (capacitor), allowing me to fit different modules with less penalty (fitting), blah blah blah. Yeah it's boring. Not nearly as cool as being able to use some killer new auto cannon or getting my drones to be more deadly but this was the plan I had for the long term. Well when I saw it was going to take me two weeks to train some obscure skill I bailed on my plan. I am now at the beginning of a two week skill to improve salvaging. What's the difference? Well salvaging is my bread and butter. Salvaging is what I do to those dozen of broken pirate spaceship hulls after my Rupture has said hello. Salvaging is slow and boring, but a potentially deadly exercise. I need to be able to do it faster lest a war target find me and have me for lunch. When I finish this skill (Salvaging 5) I will be able to salvage faster and be able to salvage tech 2 ships (which I haven't yet killed I think) with a Salvager 2. Yes two weeks for this. But salvaging faster means I am less stationary and less a potential target and I can earn isk more quickly.

What next, back to my original plan. Probably not. Clearing cosmic anomalies has been fun but it is getting boring. I did do well last night clearing some 23 million isk or so in a little over an hour (luck of the drop) but I want to broaden my isk earning potential. I am needing to go further into exploration and do some cosmic signatures. These are more specialized sites that require some different skills and equipment. At my level I will need to do these sites in two different ships, one to find the sites and the other to run them. I had planned on using my Probe as the scout ship but in the middle of multiple wars, despite being able to fit a cloak, I think I need a true covert ops ship and and aiming for the Cheetah. The advantage of the Cheetah is that I can warp cloaked as well which provides much more security. So I need to figure out the right balance, how much to improve my fighting skills, specialized exploration skills, and finally fitting skills so that I can actually fly and fit the Cheetah. The Cheetah will also allow my to fly cloaked to Jita where I can finally start selling some of my loot and maybe get me to a market with better prices to buy some of the more expensive goods.

So this side track into isk earning has really put a dent into my PVP development, which is really why I am in New Eden in the first place. Such is the life of a Capsuleer, I need a day job.

Finding a Rhythum

It has been nearly two months since I have been reborn as a capsuleer. I have learned many lessons since. Joining a corporation that has been continuously at war has been frustrating but has also been a stern teacher. I settled into a routine at this point which has lately been consistently been making me small but steady amounts of isk, about a million or more isk per hour. I have run multiple fleets, which I am still horrible at, taken some classes at the Uni and slaughtered scores of Angel Cartel pilots.

As an immortal the death of these non-capsuleer pilots seems routine, nothing more than a collection of a small bounty and perhaps a chance at some decent loot from their ships shattered hulls. I did not become a capsuleer to terrorize non capsuleers, I want to take on the best. Sadly I am not yet ready and I fly afraid of war targets. It is this fear that is keeping me alive, honing me into a weapon.

I have pretty much given up with not even a whimper my idea of forming a young worm-holing group. My leadership and organizational skills leave much to be desired. Now that I have found a slow but steady pace at making isk I don't feel the need to rush into this level of risk. I am busy training up basic skills to make me a more competent pilot. I will then train so that I can fly and then fit a Cheetah, a covert ops frigate. This will take me some time and in the interim I will continue to learn and earn. Then I will stalk dark space watching and learning. Waiting for opportunity, finding opportunity. I will make my first cloaked run to Jita to unload some of the loot I have collected for the almighty isk. I will become stronger and taking larger risks again to make more isk. More isk means more power. I still have much to learn so the Uni will remain my home for a while.

My main failure has been my inability to find a group of fellow capsuleers to fly with. It is these social relationships that harden into bonds that will mature into perhaps a small new corporation. A child to be unleashed upon the great wolves of the game. For it is in null sec that I am destined. To take and then hold space. To fight against the greats in this game. Is this all a delusion?

It is hard to imagine me, a pilot who cannot yet even really fly his new cruiser taking on alliances with thousands of pilots and trillions of isk to burn. The challenge fills me.

One Step Forward Twenty Steps Back

My Rupture training has been proceeding slowly. I was able to fly her on my typical high sec exploration routine and found a couple of Angel Cartel Hideouts that I proceeded to clear. The ship preformed admirably although the test was a weak one. I finally had the chance to deploy drones and they were fun and effective carving up frigates. I could only fly three at a time due to my poor skills but they none the less proved their utility. The Rupture surely is slower and less agile than my Rifter but the auto cannons when they hit can be devastating. I will need to train up skills so that my tracking improved as I had to sacrifice my afterburners and thus speed to hit smaller sized targets like frigates. After my short circle route of systems I had some 500,000 isk of loot in my hold and more respect for cruisers.

As I had some time I hoped into my Rifter and joined up a noob fleet and went on a patrol. I am still amazed at how bad I am at this. The patrol was led by a new FC and wasn't much fun. The highlight was when we attacked a couple of ships, which I forget what they were, and somehow I managed to shoot the gate instead of the ships. What did this mean, well that the gate guns summarily popped my 10 million isk Rifter. Then per the FC I hoped into a nearby space station in my pod and picked up a free rookie ship for the rest of the trip. While the fleet was enjoying the entertainment of seeing me get popped I caught up at them at the gate only to be popped by the gate guns again. I am now familiar with the concept of the aggression timer. This basically means that if you shoot at a gate this is considered a hostile act. Why I shot the gate, I really can't explain it. I was was so eager to get in on the kill I got confused and ended up shooting the gate. So now that I had done a hostile act for 15 minutes I am deemed and a bad guy and gate guns will open fire on me. 

So I flew with the ships in my pod until my timer expired (gate guns won't shoot pods). Luckily no one shot me and I was able to hop into another rookie ship finish the patrol and make it back to my station. So for the day I lost about twenty times the isk that I made (and I haven't really made anything because I still need to sell the darn loot I have acquired). Why am I so bad at this?

After training up some more skills I hoped into my Rupture again to find some cosmic anomalies and clear some Angel Cartel pirates. I had a Angel refuge and I think a hideout to clear this time. By now I could control the maximum 5 drones and my tracking time and range had improved considerably. I worked my way through both sites and collected the loot, close to 700,000 isk. I could not finish my route as I spotted a war target in local, lost my nerve and docked up. At this rate I will never be able to afford better and more ships. I am in a real isk bind.

So maybe I should grind out some missions.  No way, not yet. High sec exploration is a bit like a casino. Before, when I knew less than I know now, I did high sec exploration in a Rifter and on my first mission I cleared almost 10 million isk. So I will keep flying this missions, trying not to get hunted by war targets and hope to get lucky. I will continue to train my support skills and then train up codebreaker and analyzer so that I can run some cosmic signatures and do more than just pure pirate combat but some of the more profitable (I hope) high sec exploration sites.

The war in null-sec still rages on. I only hope the CFC coalition doesn't conquer all of null-sec before I can establish a presence there. It seems Goonswarm in the North is slowly grinding down NC. and that Test Alliance is holding onto it's gains in the South. This leaves the Eastern Galaxy not in the either the CFC or HBC (Test and Goonswarms broader alliances). 

My leadership abilities which I hope will one day rally legions of pilots to my cause has had about as much success and my isk earning adventures. I have not followed up in a timely fashion my wormhole expedition group. I just don't seem to have the charisma or the initiative to get this going. I really could be about the worst pilot in New Eden huh.

Back in the Saddle

After what felt like ages I was finally tucked back into my pod and nestled in the belly of my Rifter. I had finally achieved Sophomore status at the Uni which entitled me to some goodies like free Rifter hulls. I was a bit demoralized as I am painfully still training just to use my new larger auto-cannons for my new cruiser so it was back to my Rifter frigate to fly around in.

I had previously purchased several modules to fill out my compliment of 3 Rifter fits and 3 Rupture fits.     The rub was that to get a decent price I needed to pick up these items from the space station in Hek. Hek is probably the nearest trading hub to my home station in Aldrat. The worry stems from the fact that once again we are at war with the Omniscient Order, a group of mercenaries that has twice blown up my ship. They like to patrol this route between Aldrat and the Hek trade hub for easy kills. So I purchased these items with my plan to make the run at a time when the fewest number of capsuleers are flying. I was a bit nervous by this journey as not only would I have several million isk worth of supplies in my cargo hold on the return leg but I also could only fit two of my usual three auto-cannons on my outward journey. I also didn't have the ammo type, barrage, that I like to use against other capsuleers. So it was with these worries in my mind that I set off for the short journey to Hek. About one or two jumps into the route I looked at local and saw several red to me capusleers. This means they have very poor standing but as they were not blinking (oh man I hope I really did fix my overview) I should be safer (as a blinking red target means a war target). Well despite the brief uptick in my pulse I was soon safely docking at the Hek space station that held my goods. The return trip was also fortunately uneventful.

So in my home station with a good compliment of supplies I was thinking about turning in. I still don't feel like my Rifter is the right ship for my kind of isk earning venture especially as we are now at war with three different groups. I don't have enough isk to go and search out duels in Libold so I figured I was done. Before I signed off for the night I noticed a noob fleet would be forming in about half an hour. As I have been lean on adventures recently I couldn't resist.

The night foretold of some adventure. It was only my third fleet and as we were forming up I noticed in my squad chat these jokes about being tasty. A little later I noticed our squad was called tasty pie. A bit after this I learned why, we were the bait squad. I wanted action but I was not so sure I wanted to be the hunted again.

The patrol started off normal enough and then shortly our squad was sent ahead of the fleet to look, well be tasty. We were two small frigates and a battlecruiser. We were the lure, a small group not intimidating enough to put pirates or war targets (WT) off but juicy enough to arouse interest. This certainly kept me on my toes. On patrols events happen quickly. The large lapses of boredom interrupted by sudden violence. Soon enough we encountered the violence. My recollection is spotty as I am still so inexperienced it's hard for me to follow what is actually going on. It seems our scouts found some pirates gate camping and the fleet was ordered in. Our fleet was over 50 strong and the pirate group despite having some fine ships was heavily outnumbered. I quickly targeted and set off to engage the primary target. Being a tackler my job is to get in quick and disable his warp drives so that he can't leave the field quickly. My skills are poor enough that I am not ever the first tackler to arrive. What was curious and what I wasn't aware of at the time is that the fellow tackler in our squad was killed. I noticed that I had begun to take some damage so the pirates were aware of me. Like a fool I did not approach the target correctly. With all the ships flying around I could not take in the battlefield correctly and rushed straight in making myself an easy target. Fortune was with me as the battleship I was sprinting towards must of switched targets to something more substantial. Our fleet was able to pin him down, I had my afterburners on, reached my range and began to orbit opening up my auto-cannons. The battleship died shortly after and I had my first shots fired in anger in a battle that wasn't a duel.

We had two engagements that night and they were similar. I clumsily arriving at the fight a bit late having difficulty finding the target and approaching stupidly head on. I managed to get on four kills. I didn't do much damage but I was a part it (our fleet killed 15 targets that patrol so I really should of done better and been a part of more kills). One comical and nearly deadly event occurred when we were ordered to warp off of a target and warp back in on the target. A strategy designed to close the gap in distance faster than just burning straight to the target at sub warp speeds. Well I warped off OK but then forgot where I was supposed to warp back to. Everyone was fighting so no one could answer my desperate pleas. I saw the last of two fleet mates warp away from the planet I was at back to the fight. Time began to slip away as I nervously wondered what I should do. I had a sinking feeling that I shouldn't stay in one place too long, especially a planet that is easy to warp to. As the moments grew longer I think I warped off to another location. I eventually learned where the fight was happening and joined the fray, perhaps that's how I got on some other kills but I am not clear. It seemed the whole night targets were dying before I could get to them. After the fight for some reason, in the lull, I  clicked over to local (this is the local system communication channel) and saw my name in the chatter. Another pilot was calling me out stating how lucky I was that I warped away when I did. I unknowingly was being hunted. Fortune was with me. I sent out the good fight call and chatted briefly with my would be killer. I was safe with the fleet now but it was a stark reminder of the dangers of Eve.

So I still have 6 or so days until I finish training my guns for my Rupture. I will then need to train a few more skills to fit the all modules I have chosen, I hope only a few more days training after that. We are at war with new enemies and some deadly and familiar ones. My bank account is half of what it once was and I have shown no ability to earn isk. I am learning lessons like situational awareness, keeping myself moving around a target and seem to be developing some instincts for my own preservation. I will have some time before I can ventrue out in my Rupture and the days will pass slowly, I will see how I can use this time wisely. There is still so much to learn but I long to fly, fight, make some isk. My wormhole group seems stuck but I will see if I can get them motivated. I kind of like the fleet actions and am thinking of training towards becoming a member of the Ivy League, our combat fleet (as opposed the noob fleets I have been flying with). It's good to be back in the saddle.

Going Nowhere

Well I have managed to stem the tide of steady losses to my isk balance. The rub is I haven't flown in about a week. So no shiny ships getting popped but no new isk earned either. This isn't really what I had in mind when I ventured to become a capsuleer.

So what's the rub, why can't I seem to get some traction on one of the most basic and fundamental aspects to this lifestyle? Well the obvious is that I am not very good at this. While that is true the other is that many of the standard money making ventrues don't appeal to me. I don't want to grind missions or mine for a living. The idea of trading or hauling seems so boring. How about an industrialist, well all of these things I may do on a small scale to support myself but the idea of this being a major component of my life in Eve seems depressing. So that leaves exploration and PVP. So that is what I do and that is why I lose ships.

So I trained up and was ready to pilot a Rupture, a cruiser, a bigger ship than my trusty Rifter frigate. This was to be a key in my expanding financial empire. So what happened? Well lets just say I have spent almost a week just training to be able to use the guns for this ship, then I need to train for the defenses, and a bunch of other modules I want to fit... I had no idea this would all take so long.

I tried to buy a couple of Rifters to fly around, earn some isk and get some good fights but have blown about 60,000 isk on doing contracts improperly. Somehow I managed to do a contract for my Rupture but can't seem to duplicate this action. I have also been hoping I can run out the clock until I am granted Sophomore status at the Uni so I can get the Rifter hulls for free from the corporation hanger. The truth is I am cheap, I mean two Rifter hulls cost under a million isk.

So it seems I am a bit paralyzed by my circular logic. Waiting to train up this darn Rupture and wanting to wait out my promotion to get more Rifters for free. So in the interim I have been hearing recorded classes on exploration and trying to get together a small group of corp-mates to run some C1 wormholes (easiest wormhole [WH]). Both I am afraid with limited success. I do seem to be learning a bit more about WH life but am still pretty uneducated and I have two maybe three other capsuleers expressing some interest in the WH venture.

I have been trying to keep up with the goings on in the greater strategic aspect of null-sec space but I can't really find a concise source of information.  Eve News 24 is of very mixed quality. Seems war is still raging in the North but I can't really follow who is winning and havent spent the time to try to figure it out on my own.

So my life has been boring.  I will write some more e-mails and post again on the Uni forum to see if I can get some more eager volunteers.  I will keep plugging away at training up my skill-books  and suffer the wait to actually get to fly and fit out my Rupture. I will cross my fingers and hope that I make Sophomore at the Uni soon and access to the hanger so I can throw my free Rifter hulls into the face of danger but meanwhile New Eden rolls along without me, not what I had envisioned.

Oops, I did it again

My confessions were supposed to describe the delicate intellectual and emotional struggles faced by immortal capsuleers as they traverse New Eden.  The psychological streams of mighty corporations or individual miners and how they interplay. The loss of ones humanity and the growth of sociopathy. Deep ties of friendship set against the backdrop of danger and destruction. Unfortunately I am struggling just to stay afloat and the basic needs of life have super-ceded these higher philosophical realms.  My current actions have only made this dilemma more stark.

So I last wrote just a couple of days ago describing my current malaise. Well it just got worse. While purchasing the modules to fit out my new Rupture cruiser I made a costly mistake. Yes another one. This one was perhaps my most dumb and easily avoided. With my bigger ship I can fit bigger guns, yeah! Bigger guns especially the advanced tech II variety cost more, boo.  I was going to buy enough modules for three ships as losing said ships has become the norm for me and I didn't want to have to repeat this process too often. My home space station is not a major trading hub so usually to get decent prices on the modules I need I have to travel a few jumps to get there. Each new system one has to jump into yields more chances for danger especially when my corporation is currently at war and those adversaries are just looking to kill some Unistas.  So each of these auto-cannons (AC) ran almost 1.5 million isk, my particular Rupture fit called for four of these to be installed for one wickedly powerful (at least for me) offensive capability.  So three times four equals 12, not too hard. So why in the world did I just buy 32 of these AC's?  This is around 50 million isk worth of guns, 8 Rupture fits worth, or almost 2 full  brand new Ruptures fully fitted out.  I was already hurting in the the isk department before this, now my situation is approaching critical. I really don't have an explanation for why, obviously I wasn't paying close enough attention and my finger strayed.

So now I was left the task of hauling said guns back to Aldrat in one piece. I fitted out my Probe (not a good ship for this but I am running low on ships at the moment and taking out a naked Rupture isn't a good idea, (which I did anyway briefly accidentally undocking from the space station but fortunately able to dock again without getting blown up) so I threw whatever modules I had lying around the hanger to try to make her a bit more robust and purchased a warp core stabilizer just in case I was tackled (this might provide me a way to escape if they enemy targets my warp core trying to keep me from being able to warp away).  Luckily (which is a new sensation for me) I made  the round trip in one piece and now have a small fortune in AC's in my hanger.  My next pick up was for all the other modules in the system Hek.  The journey to this system is considered a pipe.  Not that I knew this before I left but a pipe is basically a kind of funnel in terms of star-gates (that which one jumps between systems in) and which basically forces traffic along a certain route (one basically has to go through certain systems to get from point a to b for lack of alternative jump gate options).  Hek had been a system which I had feared as traveling there previously to buy some parts I saw some former war targets.  It's a good place to get ambushed as it is the nearest trading hub to Aldrat (I think), my and the Uni's home system.  I would be piling in some 45 million isk worth of modules in it so I certainly didn't want to pop.  Luck was with me again and I planned my journey for a time where there are a lower number of capsuleer pilots flying around and made it back to Aldrat in one piece.

So now I can focus on fitting out my Rupture and finishing up training the required skills for some of these modules so I can use them (like my small stockpile of expensive AC's).  This will take some time.  In the mean time I have no real combat vessels in my hanger having lost my Rifter, so in wartime am really limited in what I can do.  I put an order in for two more Rifters and hope to be flying around enveloped in danger trying to earn some isk soon.  I also hope to be promoted from freshman to sophomore status in a couple of weeks in the Uni so that I might have access to the Alpha hanger and thus free frigates (like all my ships with the exception of my Rupture) and thus not need to buy them again and again.  I will still need to pay for the modules, and with how I fit my ships (I don't go too cheap) is the bulk of the cost but when you are going broke as quickly as I am any little bit helps.

So that's it for now, more lessons learned and a basic game plan. I only hope my next confession does not yet again highlight how bad a capsuleer I am.

From bad to worse

So I am getting a feeling that these confessions are beginning to highlight a rather unfortunate streak in my capsuleer career.  My interpretation of this leads me to believe that I am not a good capsuleer pilot.  This is not a good first step in my dreams of Eve domination.

The latest misfortunes relate to my issues earning isk.  Had it not been for initial my windfall by cashing in through another capsuleer on my entry into the capsuleer life (described in my earlier posts) I would be running roughly 20 million isk in the red. There are a couple of reasons for this. The first being that I am not very good at making isk. I could do missions through NPC mission agents but I find them so boring, I want to roll with capsuleers.  I could mine, but again to me it's one thing to mine to make something for myself and another to sit there every day just to turn a profit.  I don't want to be an industrialist as it's not really specific to being a capsuleer, I mean I can fly these cool ships with big guns shouldn't I be hunting something?  So this really limits me.

My idea is to do high sec exploration.  It's non-linear and I get to blow things up.  Unfortunately the fact that were at war and I am being hunted, successfully I must admit, has slowed down my work.  The last couple of days I have grown more confident and more careful and have begun again to poke around a bit.  Well last night I found an angel hideout, not really knowing what this was and wanting to clear it before other capsuleers go in on the action I hopped out of my probe (I really need to learn how to scan these down on my D-scan so I can stay in my combat ship) and into my Rifter and proceeded to the site.  Lots of Angel Cartel NPC's, actually a lot more than I have ever fought at once.  No worries my quick Rifter can get the job done but then I see another capsuleer in a Rupture has joined me and is taking out these NPC's faster than I can.  In fact there are so many NPC's that I am having to warp out and dock to replenish my shields before I can engage again while the more tanky Rupture gets more kills.  Well we clear the site and proceed to salvage. Sensing a bit of lack of honor on the Rupture pilot rudely interrupting my killing spree I pick up my loot and salvage my wrecks and then begin to ninja salvage his wrecks. Ninja salvaging is a not so honorable practice of getting to the NPC wrecks that the Rupture killed before he can. While this is not technically a hostile act, as oppossed to say taking cargo directly out of said wrecks which would of given the stronger Rupture kill rights on me (meaning I would not have Concords heavy stick to back me up), it certainly is not a noble act. I did it because I am going to the poorhouse and in my little mental world it's a form of payback for him getting in on my site (I was there first).

I get back to the station and drop off my meagre loot and begin the process again.  Switch ships to my Probe and find another site, switch ships again and clear it in my Rifter and drop the loot off in my hanger. Not having a lot of luck the value of the loot is small. Repeat the process and I am back clearing another hideout on my own and something goes wrong.  I am having to warp out and repair my shields within only a minute or so at engaging with the NPC's.  There is just too many of them and now miss the Rupture who I had previously scorned. My speed is not enough to protect me from all of the Angel Cartels ships and I am only getting one kill before I need to bug out again. So I decide to engage the ships I think are the strongest and pick them off first and then perhaps I can clear the whole area. So after repairing my shields I drop back in flick on my afterburners and choose my target, his shields are dropping so are mine, he is into armor, I almost have him into structure.  My shield alarm goes off, I am running out of shields my primary defense.  Just a little bit more and I can finish him off, out of shields and my paper thin armor vanishes. Crap warp away, like a frightened weakling, too late I lose my 10 million isk Rifter, pop.

I humbly return to the station in my capsule defeated.  With bounty kills and value of my loot I probably made less than a million isk. My venture yielded me negative 9 million isk. This is not working out so well.

So lessons learned, I need to disengage when I hear my shield alarm. I had been doing this consistently but got overconfident and greedy. I also need the right ship for the right job, it was obvious that the way I fly my Rifter this was not a good engagement for me. Too many enemy vessels and my speed tanking (flying really fast around my target so that they can't hit me) does not work against many multiple targets because some of those targets will be able to track and hit me as my angular velocity to them will be slower.

So I have been playing with my Rupture fit and designed one of my own rather than just borrowing one like I did with my Rifter fit.  I figure you need to learn and just can't copy.  So my Rupture when fitted will cost close to 30 million isk when I have the skills trained. I hope it will allow me to engage more of these cosmic anomalies I am hunting and then when my skills train get into some cosmic signature sites.

The rub is I have no more Rifters, my Rupture is a barren hull.  My corporation is at war an I will need to fly around in dangerous space in a weak ship to pick up all these valuable modules.  I will need to buy more Rifters and Ruptures and my bank account is hurting.  An auspicious start to my Eve career.

Too scared to work, so why not dream

Since the loss of my first few ships and pod my adventures in Eve have slowed a  bit.  I will capture them here in this confessional but first I would like to explore a bit the larger political theater.  For a rookie pilot starting out, just managing your ship, fitting it out, earning some isk and in my case staying alive is difficult enough.  You could tuck yourself safely in high security space (hi-sec) and make sure you are not in a corporation or in one that is not at war, run missions, or mine, or trade or whatever but if you do that you are missing a very interesting part of New Eden.  The reality is that most of the capsuleers live in high security space.  My fascination though is with no security (null-sec, no-sec) space and the politics and conquests of the large capsuleer corporations.

While being very naive I have tried to piece together a narrative of the history for some context.  I quickly get it confused, forget bits as sometimes the names change but the players remain the same or the players change and the names hardly change.  As I begin my life as a capsuleer there has been many interesting events that I have stumbled across.  I guess one of the larger events involve the Goonswarm Federation.  Probably the biggest of all the alliances and certainly the most  active in the propaganda department.  To be honest in my one or two patrols that actually spent some time in no-sec I really didn't even know where I was on the star map. Goonswarm owns a rather large and from what I have read moon mineral rich area in the northwest.  Reports state that they bring in a trillion isk in profit a month from these moons.  To the south of Goonswarm is Test Alliance another very large but newer alliance on the scene (with Goonswarm being very established).  Below Test Alliance in the southwest corner of the star map were members of other corporations or alliances in a area called Delve.

The short of it in the web of tangled alliance politics that I don't understand very well is that Test Alliance basically declared war on some smaller corporations in this area and this brought in the Southern Coalition (a group of alliances that runs along the bottom of the map) against them.  Test Alliance through the Honeybadger Coalition also had Pandemic Legion (a smaller group with a good fighting reputation and history) on their side as well as a few other smaller corporations and war was begun.  When the numbers of ships that the Southern Coalition were bringing got too large Test called in their big brothers Goonswarm (all part of the CFC, another bigger alliance that includes many corporations and might be the single most powerful block in New Eden).

The short of it is in a few days the Southern Coalition had been kicked out of Delve.  Now I learn that in the north the Northern Coalition. (NC.) has just fallen out with Goonswarm.  They were both members of OTEC, a cartel that pedals  and controls most of the moons that can produce a substance called technetium.  Please excuse my only superficial understanding of all this but things like mining ships and many other products use much of this material in their construction.  So now there is another war in the north which I am curious to see the results of.  It seems Goonswarm thus far is too strong to be stopped and they can always call in their allies in the CFC.

My corporation the UNI recently ended one war (with one still outstanding) and just last night an 11 member mercenary capsuleer corporation declared war on us.  I was saddened to hear that the corporation with RS Spyder who was the last capsuleer to pop one of my ships is not longer a war target and thus my imagined revenge will have to wait a bit.

So who really cares and why is this interesting.  Well null-sec (no-sec, no security space) is the ultimate in terms of strategic strategy in New Eden.  It is in these waters that my ship will eventually roam.  This is where I hope to make a name and a difference in New Eden.  Delusions of grandeur from a really bad rookie pilot.

So in my little story here in Aldrat my soloing efforts have been curtailed secondary to recently described losses and a greater appreciation of the dangers in this region whilst at war.  I went on another patrol with the noob fleet and felt more confident.  We saw a couple of carriers, a Machariel (a battleship I really hope to fly one day) and had a brief battle with some ships but didn't get any kills and our fleet lost a Vexor (we were tangling with much bigger ships but swarming them).  I actually engaged and got some shots off but the fleet commander ordered "scramble" as he somehow (I really don't know how) noticed a cyno (a device that allows bigger ships to jump other ships directly into the system).  We had the one ship we were attacking in half structure (an Abaddon I think near death) but we disengaged.  Then a carrier a Nidel-something or other entered the system.  We were outmatched and promptly left the engagement.

I really don't get or maybe there isn't a larger strategic purpose to these roams other than providing some experience for new pilots.  I really like the Uni and still feel it's a good fit for me. I am beginning to utilize some of there services like purchasing skill books and put in an order for a ship to be built, but they seem to lack a cohesive strategic or even tactical vision.  I am still disturbed that a small assault frigate shut down our home station for so long.  I just can't imagine this happening in a PVP corporation.  It is good to be learned but it is also advantagous to be feared.

I hope I have my overview sorted as the blinking feature was not activated for war targets, a concern of mine from previous engagements.  I think I have it sorted but am not sure.  I did leave Aldrat in my Rifter to pick up a shield extender which I had purchased for my departed Thrasher but did not have time to fit before said Trahser popped.  I saw many red targets and I think a war target was stalking me as he warped in quite close to me but I am now studying my overview and pilots in local much closer so knew he was in system and was able to quickly warp away.  I must admit I didn't even check to see what kind of ship he flew.  Still much too nervous and not confident enough.

I also stuck my Probe's nose out of the station and scanned down Aldrat for a possible exploration site a couple of times but didn't find anything juicy.  My isk earning has hit a standstill and I really need to figure out a means to make some.  To that end I decided perhaps a bigger ship might afford some more protection while I am trying to earn isk and have begun to train for cruisers, still a fairly small ship but bigger and hardier than my Rifter and my briefly flown Thrasher.  I have one ordered on contract and have begun studying fits for it.  I have also been studying what other ships would do me well in high sec exploration but the recommendations that I can fly or afford are basically frigate sized which would be great if my corporation wasn't at war so I will attempt to make the Rupture work for this which isn't ideal.  I still have many skills to train and work out my strategy for this but this ship will hopefully provide a bit more defense in case I get jumped again.  I still don't think I can fight my way out of a conflict like the Cynabal that RS Spyder got me while flying, but I do think I would of stood a chance possibly against then Enyo (assault frig) that popped my Probe and podded me camping just outside the Aldrat space station.  This is all a learning process.

If I can begin making some isk I will also begin furthering my skills at PVP by taking my Rifter and getting in some duels in Libor.  I will also continue to go on fleets and get into some classes and study.  I can't hide in space stations, there is too much going on and I need to be a part of it.

Further debacles

Well too much has been going on so I need to record them lest they slip from my memory taking valuable lessons with them.  I engaged in my first Eve University function in the form of a Noob fleet.  So with anxious anticipation I made my way over to the player owned structure (POS) that belongs to the Uni and waited for the fleet form up.  I quickly set up my overview to Uni standards (something I should of done earlier) so as to ensure the entire fleet is seeing the same information, and waited for my orders.  I must admit the whole time I was kind of lost and pestered many of my corp-mates with simpleton questions.

Alas with some guidance I found my way into a squad with the role of a tackler.  A tackler is kind of the low man of the fleet, our job is primarily to rush opposing targets and pin them down so that the bigger ships that can deal more damage can hit them easily and finish them off.  We do this by either slowing them down (webbing) or keeping them from warping away (pointing) or activating a micro warp drive (mwd) that allows them to fly really fast and slip out of range.  I didn't have the skills in order to use a web so I was relying on my warp scrambler and would only be able to point.  Ideally you would have both to prevent the enemy from leaving the engagement via his warp or from running away and out of distance of your weapons or target locks by webbing or pointing so he can't use his mwd.

I was pretty much lost at the beginning of the patrol as you have to have a couple of chat windows open, be listening on mumble (voice channel), my objective panel (which shows a bunch of information like enemies, or structures, velocity of enemy etc) with Uni specifications had swelled to a monstrosity and then I had a separate fleet window open.  This was quite a change for me who had until then flown in a minimalist fashion with mostly the beauties of space, stars, planets and nebulas in my view, this was all now ruined with boxes and text.  Then the mechanics of moving with a fleet took some getting used to and if you don't keep up you put yourself in danger.  So most of my attention was drawn just learning how to stay with the fleet and not get lost.  This was further complicated by the sheer coolness of flying with so many ships and the temptation to just look at them and bear witness to our rag tag armada.

I didn't count the number of ships we had but I would guess around thirty.  The FC would tell us where to go and when to warp or jump.  I understood some of the basic tactics and an hour or so into our patrol I was a bit less stressed.  It was a slow patrol, which was fine for my first and we only had one encounter.  I quickly approached the two targets eager to fill them with my auto-cannon shells but when there are just 2 ships agains the blob of our fleet they don't last long.  I couldn't really understand what was going on at the time and still don't really get the strategic aspect of the patrol but the two unfortunate capsuleers who we destroyed seemed to be pirates gate camping (setting up an ambush at a jump gate, an area where when traveling through space allows you to cover large distances very quickly and thus areas of high traffic).  Our fleet had cloaked scouts who found them and then some early tacklers who jumped in and kept them in place in order for the rest of the fleet to jump in quickly and finish the job.  Unfortunately we didn't get there quite fast enough for one of fleets early tacklers was destroyed, but the greater good was accomplished and the pirates destroyed.  Much to my disappointment I didn't even get a shot off before it was all over.

The rest of the 3 and a half hour patrol was basically looking for ships to engage and then returning home.  I still have a lot to learn and don't feel completely comfortable but it is good to get my first fleet experience.

Next comes my inglorious evening.  Last night I hop in my trusty Probe, a probing ship with minimal guns and defenses and undock in my home station in Aldrat to do what is becoming my usual isk making venture and that is scanning down this system and a few others nearby for cosmic anomalies which typically have some NPC pirates to mop up and then I collect the loot they drop and salvage their twisted and ruined ship remains.  So I pop out of the space station and notice on my overview a red box.  To me this means be careful as per my overview settings, which I don't completely understand, this is some kind of pirate or something with a poor security status (he has done some naughty things in the eyes of Concord).  What I didn't see was a red blinking box which means a war target (WT) or kill on sight.  Eve University is presently at war.  I don't really know why or with whom but when I joined I learned this and was eager to gain some combat experience.  I foolishly at this point or maybe even before I noticed the red boxed foe began to orbit my station in preparation for my custom of launching a probe and scanning down the system.  What this does is invalidate a temporary immunity one has for 30 seconds after leaving a space station.  Despite the pirate being 33km away I began taking fire.  OK I collect my self and begin the procedure to dock back at the station.  I watch the agonizing seconds tick by and don't really understand what is taking so long, my shields go down, then my armor and lastly my structure and my ship goes pop.  Well I have been here before no need to panic just get my capsule in the darn station which is right in front of me.  I am hitting the dock command but am not docking fast enough, my poor little pod starts taking damage and I am pod killed.  My clones corpse drifting in space along with millions of isk worth of sister probes which I shouldn't of been carrying in the first place.

So my killer was Ospie flying an Enyo.  9 real kills and no losses.  So seems calculating and deadly.  I imagine this capsuleer will grow into a fine killing machine with the efficiency attained sthus far.  I stood no chance, good tactics, bold.

I wake up in my medical clone which I had moved to my new station and begin to regroup.  My first clone loss.  Well I have a few lessons to learn from this humiliation.  I need to make sure my overview is working correctly.  Had I seen a red box blinking I would of immediately initiated my dock sequence and perhaps not broken my invulnerability by starting to orbit the station (once you order you ship to change direction you lose the 30 second invulnerability).  I need to check the local channel which shows all pilots in the system and I would of seen the WT (again had my overview been properly set up) and maybe thought twice or at least asked some corp-mates about the wisdom of undocking.  Once my ship is taking damage and I kind of know I am going down or might go down I need to switch into pod saving mode.  Hit my pod tab on my overview and start spamming (hitting a command repeatedly) to dock or whatever exit I plan to use sooner so as to increase my chances of survival.

Well that sucked, killed without returning a shot.  No worries I will hop in my Rifter and go after the scurvy dog in her Incursus (another T1 frigate like mine, the same one which I lost to in the duel).  I hop on the Corp chat channel and let them know about the WT.  Seems it's not new news as she has been station camping off an on.  I also learn it is suicide to engage her in my Rifter and that she is not in an Incursus but in an assault frigate, way out of my class, an Enyo I think.  No worries this is the Uni's home system I will just rally up the troops and with their help pop the scurvy dog.

Apparently there are some tactical strategies that lend themselves to taking the offensive in a station camp.  If the aggressor sits close to the station she can try and kill anything that comes out and if deadly enough, like Ospie powerful little assualt frig, pop something before they can return to the station.  If something exits the station that is too much for station camper than she still has the option to quickly fly away to an established safe spot or simply dock in the station.  This she did several times while I was trying to rally the troops.  I found that the troops by and large were just as inexperienced and weak as I was.  No one was willing to join my hunt as they felt there was no reasonable chance for success.  I was deflated but I understood that the Uni is a teaching institution and I can't expect to always have a big brother around with a bad ass ship to get me out of trouble.  So I sat in the station trying vainly to devise a strategy that others would feel confident enough in to join me.  No one was biting and I can't blame them as I have no credibility when it comes to theory crafting or experience in putting a small fleet together.

Fortunately some time later a fellow Unista in a Zealot, a bad ass ship, engages the scurvy dog who pod killed me and while not returning the favor at least drove him off.  That a tiny assault frigate could lock down the space station with the Unis corporate hanger inside for such a long time was a slap in the face to me.  I need to get better at this combat thing.

So now I have no probing ship and have lost my way to make some isk.  I begin to console myself with other corp-mates when one of them gives me a million isk, partly defraying my loss and grabs a Probe out of the corporation hanger, which I don't have access to yet, and gives it to me.  Now this is why I joined a capsuleer  corporation.

With WT in the system or close by I am a little too wary to start flying around.  That is until I overhear the offer of a fleet forming to do some NPC missions or exploration.  Now missions are boring but with some capsuleers working as a team it might be fun.  I offer to join in but find they all want to do a missions and not exploration, I decide why not and offer to join them.  They are all good pilots and I, well, suck.  They will be doing level four mission I haven't even done a level 1 mission only the tutorials and the epic arc (which might be level 1).  I express my reservation of joining them in my Rifter frigate and they in their learned ways let me know I can hop in a destroyer and join them assuming the lowly role of salvager.  I perk up, I have trained salvaging and am comfortable at this point in my career with the idea of being lowly.  The rub is I don't know how to fly a destroyer. While the fleet begins to form I quickly inject the skill book and train away.  It will only take 16 minutes.  I look at my destroyer a Trahser and it all feels so foreign to me.  So different from my Rifter.  I purchase four slavagers (wow I had only previously used one at any one time to grab the goodies from wrecked ships) and load up a Rookie ship for the journey to the station which holds my destroyer in my hanger.  I haven't yet consolidated all my ships to Aldrat.  I toss in a few modules I have laying around and off I go.

Now more wary about checking local for WT's I nervously make the 5 jump journey to my waiting destroyer.  On the voice comm I begin to hear the other members of my fleet in far superior ships begin to clear out the NPC's in the mission.  My destroyer 1 skill finished training on the way to the to station and I hop into this foreign destroyer.  I load up the auto-cannons I brought just in case, although I am assured by my veteran corp-mates that I wont need them as I am just clearing the battlefield of already killed NPC's.  I buy a shield extender to give me some more armor but don't have time to pick it up as my fleet has cleared the first NPC room and moved on to the next and I need to get going and grab the loot and salvage the wrecks.  A bit nervous so soon after my first pod kill to be in a ship which at this point affords less protection than my Rifter I head off.  In my rush I forget to install the afterburner from my Rookie ship, darn.  I have guns, ammo, my salvagers and a couple of modules to help my maneuverability in case I need to get out in a hurry and to increase the damage of my weapons.  The lack of shields or armor makes me feel very vulnerable, buy hey I am with a fleet with veteran corp-mates, and they all say not to worry.

As complete my final jump and arrive in system I notice a lot of red NPC's on my overview.  Now worries says my corp-mates those are just NPC well away from the first room cleared and I will be headed in the opposite direction.  I had heard on the comms that there was a WT that had been around so I was a bit nervous but my overview was clear.  I began to 80 km journey toward the loot and without the afterburners this would take a minute or two.  Then a red box on my overview and I recognize the name from the previous conversation in the comm about the WT.  After my recent death experience I don't need any further inducements and I quickly begin to the process to warp and dock to at a station while alerting my fleet of the presence of the war target.  "What's going on." My ships not warping and I get a box of text saying something about my warp not working. I start to take damage, I recognize this is not good.  I must be scrammed I thought.  I didn't even get a chance to see the distance from my assailant or what he was flying, my ship explodes seconds later.  I think he was merciful or perhaps I was a little quicker with my pod saving routine and I manage to escape without losing my second pod and clone in an hour but I lose my destroyer which I had only flown for a few minutes.  Once again I lose a ship without even returning fire.

I give my fleet mates some more intel on the location of the WT that popped my ship and they immediately all flee for safety.  Apparently another fleet member had lost his ship to the same WT minutes before.  I hope my memory is wrong here but I don't think he reported his loss to the fleet until after I did.  Not too cool, and some warning may have saved my ship.  I can't be sure as my memory is not clear but I have this nagging feeling.  

OK lesson learning time.  OK the biggies, why in the world did I let my corp-mates talk me into leaving in a destroyer that I was unfamiliar with, in war time, without a proper fit and paper thin defenses?  Why didn't I just trust my instincts here?  I must improve my seamanship.

My killer this time was RS Spyder.  He was flying a Cynnabal, one of the ships I was drooling over and that ended my love affair with a Mimatar ship the Vagabond.  I really don't know enough to comment but the Cynnabal is very fast and frankly way out of my league.  I was doomed.  This guy is a pro with 49 kills to 2 losses. Very efficient RS Spyder.  He also likes to kill pods so imagine I was able to slip away and it was not an act of mercy.  He terrorized my fleet for the next hour or so and eventually calling for a Uni fleet to help us out went unanswered and the surviving members of our fleet limped home with the mission not completed.  The lovely thing is, Aeron Solette, our squad commander was gracious enough to reimburse me for my loss (and then some) in isk. The Uni does seem to have some kind souls. Aeron Solette was by his own admission not really a PVP capsuleer mostly running missions so my squad did not feel comfortable engaging RS Spyder.  I had no ship and even if I did once again I was far outclassed.

So Eve as expected has proven deadly.  I have been sloppy and it has cost me.  I am taking steps to improve.  I will grow and at least be a bit of a challenge, heck even fire one shot would be an improvement at this point.  Oh how my Brutor ancestors must weep at my antics thus far.

Here I am! My first duel.

I am a capsuleer!  I have been reborn.  I have shed the skin of my natural birth.  It has been almost a month and my self confessional has suffered. I must be more disciplined.  I have been absorbed by the vastness that is New Eden.

My early days were spent adjusting to my new self, life in a space station and life soaring amongst the stars.   My orientation was slow but aided by my studies prior to my bodies death and my clones birth.  I stumbled out of my protective space station and into cold dark space in my small egg shaped capsule.  My tiny metallic green pod silhouetted against  the enormity of space.  With the help of the new pilots orientation I navigated successfully to my waiting rookie ship, provided to me free, and docked my pod inside and took control of the simple frigate.  Initially the feel was foreign, it has grown less so, but I still have a ways to go before my communication with the ship feels like an extension of myself.  I returned to the space station and competed my mission.  This is a typical early mission in the orientation chain.  Nothing very difficult and when one stumbles there are chat channels with fellow capsuleers, some friendly and willing to help. I took advantage of their kindness and have sought to repay it to fellow rookies.  Over the next couple of days I worked my way thorough these mission chains and earned my pilots license.

After this I took advantage of the further orientations provided.  I was and still am overwhelmed at the sheer immensity of options and complexity of the strategic decisions available.  I began earning frigate sized ships (the smallest after shuttles) and worked my way through the separate career chains (combat, industry, exploration and business).  Still only a few weeks old in New Eden time I did not feel prepared to test myself against the full weight of this new universe and opted to continue my training by undertaking to complete the Blood Stained Tears epic arc chain.  This is a series of 50 missions geared for new pilots.  At this point I had to leave the womb that was my first space station and travel from Minmatar space to meet my new agent.  This meant leaving my orientation system and though still in high security space, where Concords firm hand quiets terror, terror still lurks.

The next few weeks were occupied in grinding out these more advanced orientation missions, increasing my aptitude at combat, learning my way amongst the stars and generally exposing myself to some of the new realities of my life as a capsuleer.  What I have learned is that I don't really care for missioning.  I did not become a capsuleer to test myself against Not-a-Capsuleer-Pilot('s) (NPC).  They are not plugged into their ships and thus at a disadvantage. Their tactics are weak, and though I did lose a ship against them (safely ejecting in my pod and returning to my station) I do not risk being podded (killed in my pod to be reborn in another clone, the closest a capsuleer can come to death).  They can overwhelm you with sheer numbers or higher quality ships but on a tactical level they are not sophisticated.  I need to be tested and for that only other deadly capsuleers will do.

What completing these orientations provides beyond the basic early experience of beginning to become acquainted with the mechanics of the game is some isk (money) and some frigate ships.  At this point I continued on with my pre-capsuleer plan of applying for membership in my first capsuleer corporation Eve University (Unistas).  A capsuleer institution dedicated to teaching the many facets of New Eden.  It took a few days to gather the majority of my belongings now scattered in space stations across different systems, due to traveling about in order to complete the epic arc missions. I am learning a lesson in logistics but I am now safely settled in Aldrat, my new home. I was accepted into the University and began the process of pouring through the reams of documentation about the rules and standard operating procedures, making my share of mistakes along the way.  I am now plugged into a capsuleer community and this corporation happens to be at war.  Excellent!

I took out my Probe, a frigate sized Minmatar ship built for exploration and scanned down a wormhole in my home system of Aldrat.  Wormholes are mysterious things for a new player, it is non-security (no-sec) space which means there is no Concord looking out for you and if someone decides to engage you, you are basically on your own and there are no negative repercussion for the aggressor (no Concord to take them out).  I nervously spoke with not so helpful members of my corporation as I stood gazing at the shimmering hole. The mysteries hidden behind it's gaping mouth  unknown. Seems the Unistas online at the time were not worm-holers.  I crossed the threshold alone and took a look around briefly.  Nervous and not confident in a ship that really could not exploit any of the resources here I quickly jumped back.  When I am stronger I will return, the mystery, danger and freedom of this place I think will suit me.  In Eve everyone needs a job, a way to make isk.  Ships are expensive and so are the fits for them.  I plan to lose many of them as I become more proficient in battle and for this I need a way to make isk.

Briefly on the isk earning front, the arrangement I made prior to starting my life as a capsuleer paid off and I now have a tidy sum in my account.  The goal is to keep this amount as a rainy day fund and be self sufficient from here building up my rainy day fund over time.  As of today I am negative almost 20 million ISK, not a lot for a veteran but it will take a young unskilled pilot like myself some time to make back and replenish my fund.  I have spent the money on ships, modules, ammunition, skill books... it all costs isk, the better the gear the more the isk.

I have continued my skill training and really have only had one adventure.  I scanned down a system close to Aldrat looking for a way to make some isk that didn't involve having to go through a mission agent and grind thorough NPC missions.  I found some cosmic anomalies and took it upon myself to clear them of pesky Angel Cartel NPC's.  The first den I cleared was rather easy as I swiftly destroyed all of their ships, collected a bit of loot and salvaged the wrecks.  The next nest was a bit of fun as wave after wave of Angel Cartel ships came after me.  At times my shields got quite low and when I eventually outlasted them I had many wrecks to loot and salvage.  As I was scooping up my rewards (which would be later sold for isk or some choice items kept in my hanger for later use) I was invited by a fellow Unista to a duel.  Now how could I a young Brutor steeped in the martial traditions of our people refuse?  Well I suppose I could of listened to my rational and critical mind which screamed, "you are only unskilled pilot, you stand no chance against an older veteran with more skills and countless other advantages".  So I immediately took up the challenge but as an enterprising capsuleer made sure to add a few details.  If this competitive pilot wanted my name on his kill sheet he was going to need to pay.  I was in my Rifter (Mimatar's most stellar tech 1 [or basic] combat frigate) that I had outfitted to the tune of 10 million isk and he was going to need to pay for this investment after the initial joy of his kill.  He would also need to salvage an Angel Cartel ship wreck that I had killed, as my meagre salvaging skills were not up to the task.  Also implied in the agreement would be that he would comment on the duel for learning purposes and take a look at how I had my ship outfitted.

So after I finished clearing my salvage and my future foe finished up with salvaging the ship I couldn't manage on my own, I flew back to my space station, unloaded my stash so as not to lose it when my spaceship went pop, undocked and prepared for my first capsuleer on capsuleer combat.  On my way back to the system system I had been in earlier, the destination for our duel, I was suddenly attacked by another corpmate, a fellow Unista, "this is not supposed to happen" I thought.  Despite a bit of adrenaline I calmly assessed that I really had no idea what I was doing so rather than engage I quickly headed for the space station and docked.  After hopping out of my ship I hailed the offending pilot and asked for an explanation.  I was laughed at by many a fellow corp member.  I was a bit puzzled and later learned that by not reading through all of the documentation and keeping abreast of the Unista news that I was in a system cleared for tech 1 frigate on frigate combat.  All gloves were off.  I was just fortunate that while I was clearing my Angel Cartel nests that I was not engaged by another capsuleer.

Well it was now time for my duel, I in my Rifter and my opponent in an Incursus.  "Whats's an Incursus" was the thought running through my head so I asked my foe.  Despite showing my ignorance and potentially making my opponent further drool at the thought of an easy kill he told me it was another tech one frigate.  During the brief delay I quickly punched up some information on the ship on my computer and designed a basic strategy.  I had a certain ammunition type that would be most affective on his shields and another for his armor, that is of course if he hadn't modified this.  But I would use another ammo, barrage, an advanced ammunition that I had spent much time training the skills to be able to use. This ammo in combination with my ships speed and agility would allow me to dictate the range of the engagement, or so I postulated.  In return his powerful blasters would be beyond their effective range and I could orbit him in my swifter ship and slowly knock down his defenses.

I was allowed the advantage of the first shot and off I went to employ my strategy.  So I proceeded to orbit and fire at what I felt was my best range and happily began to see his shields go down.  I was hardly being hit as it seemed my speed was too much for his blaster turrents to track me properly or my distance was just too great to do much damage.  His shields began to fail and I had him in armor, I began to have hope.  Then I quickly lost hope, he was obviously armor tanked (his defense was primarily in his armor not his shield) and he was able to actively repair the damage I was doing in between the rounds of my auto cannons.  I needed to rethink the situation.  Unfortunately I had no time as I suddenly noticed that my shields, my primary defense, was quickly being chewed through.  "How could this be" I thought and then noticed that a he had a drone deployed against me.  At this time due to a technical bug that has been haunting me during my time in EVE my controls locked up.  My ship continued to orbit and fire but I could not make any changes.  My idea was to shift to the drone as my primary target and take it out while continuing to orbit the Incursus as he was not really able to hit me for good damage.  Well before I could really figure out what was happening and being locked out of my controls due to the bug, which hit me at a really annoying time, I was forced to reload my computer interface.  By the time I cycled my computer back to life and was active again I was floating in my capsule and my ship was destroyed.

I had an idea what had happened but asked my opponent for comment. I was a bit taken aback by his lack of honor when he seemed to ignore me.  He did deposit the agreed upon 10 million isk in my account but by not living up to the terms of our duel I was offended, and rightfully so I imagined.  I have his name and know where he likes to hunt, so I may just go looking for him again someday.

A major purpose behind these confessions is to learn from mistakes, so let's do a post-mortum of my duel. A major mistake I made was not knowing my enemy.  I only did a cursory review, I should of known that as a Gallente ship that it was likely able to carry drones (as Gallente ships are known for their drone use) and checked to see if the Incursus had a drone bay.  This way I would of been prepared and possibly switched active targets to the drone earlier before my shields vaporized.  I am left to speculate at what actually happened to cause my destruction.  Despite my foe not fulfilling our agreement he did mention his blasters hit me for good damage, which I think is unlikely unless he did some good piloting and changed the initial impotence of this weapon system, but I will never know as said foe ignored my request for further information.  My suspicion is that I was orbiting far enough away and fast enough that his blasters were not doing me much harm, he then launched his drone which proceeded to chew me up.  I also really need to take time to train up my skills.  For example I could of fitted out my ship with a neutralizer, an electronic warfare module that wipes out another ships energy (capacitor).  His Incursus was using an active armor tank (using energy from his capacitor to repair armor damage) and repairing all the damage I was doing.  Had I used a neutralizer I may of been able to cut off his access to energy so he could not repair his armor, also his weapons use energy to fire.  I would still of taken damage from the drone but could have mitigated some of these tactical issues.  I need to calm down a bit and learn to multitask.  I need to look at my overview more, to see if other ships are joining the fray and I would of been alerted to the release of his drone earlier.

What did I do well.  I took the challenge.  Some pilots will not partake in duels or combat against other capsuleers (pvp).  I think my original plan to use my longer range barrage ammo and attack from some distance was sound against a blaster, or shorter range, ship.  I used my afterburner to increase my transversal velocity making me harder to hit.  My auto-cannons track better so all this plays to my advantage.

Hopefully it's lessoned learned.

AT X

I caught most of the first round of the Alliance Tournament today.  Must admit I couldn't really get into it as I had trouble following what was going on.  Most of the matches were lopsided a few were close.  The jargon is something I will need to spend sometime learning.  Like any profession they have their own language.  It was fun to see a couple of ships that I am thinking of piloting, but in the end they did not fare too well.  Wonder if I should start rethinking my plan a bit, but then I just shrug "What plan" and laugh.

I have slowed down my studies a bit.  Just seems so slow.  This will all go much faster when I am actually aboard my ship.  Sent everything in and now I just wait for the mystery day.  I go for long runs to clear my mind and of course retire to the shore and my blue ocean several times a day.  Almost feels like some sort of monastic life.  My parents are away finishing off careers that have spanned over forty years.  I think it's too hard on them to see me.  My friends checked in to see if I watched the tourney, strange as they have never really been into it before yet now it's important to them.  I suppose I can understand why.  I think I will continue to watch it for now.  At least if I am not busy dying.

Ok so that is a bit dramatic, it's just my bodies death.  The whole idea is no longer quite so alien.  I have an image of my future self.  I will include it in my confessional but I don't really feel like looking at it again just yet.  Not while I am still, well me.  It plays tricks with my soul.  To think my clone is being grown in some vat somewhere.  I know what that clone looks like.  I will wear it, him, me.  I am immortal but my clone is not.  I must learn not to fear the loss of my clones life.  To throw it around in the face of danger.  But I am afraid of losing my body, my soul, my humanity.  Does anyone really know who they will become when they can yield such power?  I don't pretend to.